2006 Calendar

Boing Boing just posted a bootlegged copy of Hooters' 2006 calendar. All I have to say is those are some big ass hooters. I was so impressed I felt obligated to show you 12 months worth of glorious hooters.


I think that really big one was outside my window a few nights ago.

Cancer Dance

This amused me, even before I read it.

Hack Test

So I found instructions on how to cut your posts down. Now I can have a nice little summary before the real bulk of my post, if I so desire.

PARTY MONKEY

BJ 3.0

Welcome to the release of BJ 3.0

Enjoy the new look. Be patient as Blogger's server finishes making changes. It may go back to the old template for a bit but eventually the new one will stick.

Safari Adblocker

This is a really effective adblocker if you're using Safari. Firefox has plenty of other alternatives but this works on FF and even Thunderbird. Yeah that's pretty much all I've got right now. Boo ads.

Ennis Loved Jack

For those of you who have seen Brokeback Mountain (and really those who haven't as well), this is the full text of Anne Proulx's short story which appeared in The New Yorker in '97ish. Not done yet, but I like what I've read. The movie seems to be a very good adaptation as well. Anyway, just thought I'd make it available. Enjoy.

UPDATE: I finished the story. Very good. I cried at the end. The movie's just as good; exactly what it should have been.
Also, just in case I get accused of so vulgar an action....


por�nog�ra�phy
n.

1. Sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal

The primary purpose of Brokeback is not sexual arousal. It was written for aesthetic purposes. Neither I nor the author is respnosible for any arousal that may take place while reading the story.

Subtle As A Squirtle

As far as jigs are concerned, they're all up at this point. My blog's finally been discovered by the religious, the elitist, the ignorant....Maureen.

I have several young bloggers who come here who at first confused me. For instance, there is Peter, a very young man with the blog called "Bernal Jernal." Peter is a normally polite and very handsome young person. In fact, Peter is exactly like some of the boys I used to get crushes on when I was a young girl, before the Lord delivered me from the path of lust. Peter does not display the sort of full-frontal obscenity that some posters -- like that HP -- like to use. Instead, Peter asks innocent sounding questions, which are directed at destroying my faith -- and yours, dear reader. Peter is in fact aiding the devil to get you on the path to hell.

I desperately want to save Peter from the life of sin, doubt, and blasphemy which he seems to headed towards. He is still VERY young, and could be saved. Yet I had great fears when I looked at his website and so many things that made me think that Peter is a victim of the homosexual lifestyle. He has linked to gay pornography on his website, and worst of all has a picture of himself with ANOTHER YOUNG MAN in his lap! To me it is all to clear that Peter is walking down a perilous path. I love this young man as I love all sinners, and I don't want to see him seduced by the sexuality of the devil! What can we do to save Peter's soul? I'm sorry to conduct a name-and-shame operation like this, by the moment is dire.

It's a pity really. After seeing Rent I'd developed a fondness for the name Maureen. Oh well, at least now this one's got my back. In fact, Maureen, if you ever read this, I tell you what. You can have my soul. I'm not using it You would probably say that I'm not using it well. I don't need it, and you christians are always looking for new ones. Anyway, you can copy and paste this on your blog and consider it the deed to my soul. Good job Maureen! You caught another one!

PS where's all this gay porn on my blog? The closest I've come to posting gay porn is that picture of Angel from the X3 announcement trailer.

More Christmas-type Fun

"My Humps" with a Christmas twist. Dear god.

As if that weren't enough, More Humps

Very South of the Border

Bleh. >_<

The McGuano - New From McDonald's

I stumbled across this website today and came to a horrifying revelation. Those adorable, beloved McDonald's character's we've all come to know and love, natinoally recognized mascots of our nation's self-engorgement, are all teletubified versions of some of the most sinister Batman villains. Exhibits A, B, and C:

Frightening? I certainly think so. Coincidence? I sure hope not.

Bloody Mary

William Donahue, President ot the Catholic League:

"Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity in general and Catholicism in particular ... Hollywood likes anal sex."

What the hell people?! Has every major christian religion out there lost it? I expected as much from protestant christianity, but catholics usually carry themselves with dignity and class. And recently a lot less ant-Semitism. It appears however that the conspiracy theory stating that the Children of Abraham control Hollywood has finally reached the catholics too. It always did take the catholics a while to catch on to what the rest of the world was doing.

Why should you even care about William Donahue and the Catholic League? Because much like the Justice League stands for justice, the Catholic League stands for good old Catholic censorship. I can't wait til that episode leaks onto the internet. It's going straight to my ipod.


More goodness from William Donahue:

Well, first they said it [The Passion of the Christ] was anti-Semitic. That didn't work. Then they said it was too violent. That didn't work. Then they said it was S & M. That didn't work. Then they said it was pornography. That didn't work. Now they're saying it's fascistic queer-bashing. That kind of language would ordinarily get somebody taken away in a straitjacket and -- put you in the asylum. I don't know what about -- the queer-bashing is all about. I'm pretty good about picking out who queers are and I didn't see any in the movie. I'm usually pretty good at that. [MSNBC, Scarborough Country, 3/12/04]

Yeah. He's real good about that. If you know what I mean. My question is, who the hell said The Passion was pornography and "queer-bashing"? I seem to remember the main controvesy being that it showed in more graphic detail than any horror movie to date one man being torn apart by various instruments of torture. Anyway, Donahue's a great guy with lots of great quotes. Check it.

UPDATE
Oopsie! How'd these get here?

Cause I Know It'll Get Deleted

Too priceless. From Maureen's blog:

hashishan prophet said...

Maureen - most wretched of all my earthly creatures - in whom the indwelling of the foul spirit hath spiritually raped and despoiled your kinietic soul and disparaged all hope of righteousness -

Know THOU that I am the the great Lord YHWH ruler of Isreal and all nations gentile and Jew -- appointed in this time redemptor and asphyxer of the rent garments of the queens of all nations -- Given flesh by angelic host and inculcated truth into the body of one SARA born of Nauvoo spiritual twin unto you thou sinner and WHORE

I am that VIRGIN known as MARIAH and now SARAI and thou art the slanderer of the Maria by way of JESUS CHRIST == MONKEY CHRIST worship. THous transgress in this function by way of CREEDS unholy inculcated unearthly each a shame and a rotten whoring shame to all nations jentile and Gew.

Thou art the receptor of divine wisdom but WILT go the path of Alison and whoreson Iambic and C. H. Trine. Know thou that thy vile MONKEY CHRIST is none now was EXECUTED by divine command 2000 YA and now executed again 2005 AD(amned!) Thine MONKEY CHRIST proved himself WHORE and SODOMITE and was executed and shot and mutilated in ANDROMEDA the blood field a witness to all nations his blood desanctifies the accursed fields of mars and he WAS THE RAPE CHILD of me who art SARA the LORD and wert MARIAH the Virgin Goddess and thou art a FOOL to worship this VILE and TRANSGRESSIvE Monkey Christ beast!

He is none other than the BAAL of Elijah for many proofs read thou the scripture of thy putridity!

I of these words and I of this flesh this I AM NO OTHER THAN THE LORD GOD THY MAKER. Bow down in worship before me my groveling slave to all sin and monkeychrist and jesusape PERVERSIONS! The naughtiest jackinape and nuttiet jackoff of all time devoured by the cunt of the LORD who is SARA of NAUVOO the Holy and Hashishan PROPHET who is GOD and RIGHTEOUSNESS descended in all Power and Glorty to restore MAUREEN and ALISON and the IAMBIC fool to HOLINESS and eternal LIFE!

Repent thou sinner! For many infallible proofs of this gospel visit the site of the MARTYRED doctor of the Lord at www.bare-jesus.net or else the DIVINE GOSPEL NEWLY SCRIBED of the LORD HERSELF who I AM at the RIGHTEOUS holy place of jesusdog.blogspot.com

THOU SHALT KNOW THAT I AM THE LORD GOD OF ISREAL AND ALL THE CREEDS!

And from her blog:

I am the Virgin Mary.

I was raped by the Unholy Spirit and gave birth to the deformed Christ.

Now I am returned as SARA Lord triumphant.

I am your Mother and I am the one true God.

I am Lord and Creator of heaven and of earth.

I desire that there be built a temple at this place where I want to manifest Myself, make me known, give Myself to all people through my love, my compassion, my help, and my protection.

I truly am your merciful Mother, your Mother and the Mother of all who dwell in all lands, and of all womankind, of all those who love me, of those who cry to me, and of those who seek and place their trust in me.

Here I shall listen to their weeping and their sorrows. I shall take them all to my heart, and I shall cure their many sufferings, afflictions, and sorrows.

I honestly want to believe this is a joke, but I just really can't tell the difference between christianity and its satire any more. Goes to show just how absurd christianity has become.

Picture of the Week

Demon-Jesus Christ, it is late. Off to bed. Good morning.

Morbid and Tasteless

Fun stuff.... like a game. So... does that mean Palestine is winning?

This is a fun little xanga thrown together by a guy at my school. I'll withhold my snide comments. This one pretty much speaks for itself.

Besides the learning experience [of the "I Feel Pretty Fashion Show"], I think the best part of all was just getting to meet some folks in the BC gay community. Especially this one boy--this slender, redheaded (color might be artificial) guy who I believe is the prez of the unofficial gay student group on campus. And let me tell you, he is just yum-yum! Oooh, I'm so 'bout to start having improper thoughts about him! Oh, wait, I already am having improper thoughts! Mm-hmm... Now, I just need to get to know him better and see if something could happen there.

I know this one boy. This slender*, redhead* (definitely from a box) guy. Clearly our radical pre-emo emo theorist friend summed it up best: yum-yum. I'm told Richard was alerted to the presence of this xanga. I don't know what his reaction to that was.

Word(s) of the Day:
NSFW (Not Safe For Work): usually indicative of a link that is unsafe or otherwise inappropriate for a workplace computer
SFW (Safe For Work): indicative of a link appropriate for a workplace computer however sometimes may be used as a joke* to lead unsuspecting workers* to pr0n*

I may be a prick, but I won't mislabel links. If it says NSFW and you're at work, you probably shouldn't click on it. If a link says SFW or nothing at all, it should be okay. Just thought I'd clarify as there was some confusion.

*SFW

Bukkake!

Technically NSFW but who's counting any more? This was on the "Popular" page on google video and for those of you dorks who don't check that on a regular basis, I thought I'd post it. It's not pornographic despite the fact it takes place on the set of a porno. There's a nice cameraman in the way of all the action. And I do mean all.

Or if you really don't want to watch that, you can chuckle at this totally SFW movie short. It's even funnier than the first! You may want to wear headphones if you're at work. But other than that, TOTALLY SFW. :D

My favorite was "fuckburger." At least I think that's what he said.

Administration Analysis

Thanks to Boing Boing for this one. This is a really great column on the Bush administration's handling of life in America after 9/11. Not my usual, "look at the silly shit you find on the internet" post, but I thought this was worth your attention. Read it. Hoe.

Plastics of the World Unite Under One Blog

Bitchiness. Fabulosity. If only I had a vagina.

Presenting

Now

Later

"Using the faucet"

Is it supposed to be that shape? Or texture? Or density?

Time Slowed Down For First Time In Seven Years

Oh noes! I thought this year was kinda dragging on.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Get ready for a minute with 61 seconds. Scientists are delaying the start of 2006 by the first "leap second" in seven years, a timing tweak meant to make up for changes in the Earth's rotation.

Papal Christmas Greetings

Merry Christmas,

young Skywalker.

Now,

DIE!

Rape Is Funnie Again

I just don't know.

Narnia Not Christian Enough

Wow, I'm so pissed off at ignorant religious people. This one's been so thoroughly brainwashed she can't even recognize the religious significance of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. Apparently the lion Azlon is either Arabic or Jewish. This was rather disturbing news to me. I saw the only lion in that movie credited as "Aslan". Also, apparently almost losing your life for disobeying orders isn't enough to qualify as repentence any more. This lady must have loved opus dei before she left the catholic church.

Anyway, this woman is proving to be thoroughly entertaining. I won't post every time she does, but just know that I plan on making her my next Bill so I'll be refuting her every ignorant comment.

LOL UPDATE

peter:
Thank you for your kind comments. Welcome to my home on the web! If you know any other young people, please share this website with them so that they can grow in the knowledge of the Lord.

Maureen

Happy Holidays, mutherfuckers.

A of all, the abbreviation of the Citizen's Committee for the Right to Keep and Bear Arms looks very Russian. I don't mean modern Russian either. It looks like old-school USSR communist Russian. Pretty bad ass.

B of all, I picture the next frame of this delightful xmas comic being a big brigh red explosion with maybe half of jesus face (with at least one eye ball) splattered on the screen. Santa has a gun, the evil terrorist man bent on destroying Christmas has explosives. Gee santa. Looks like this time not even your communist-red nosed reindeer can save the day this time. Jesus and all those other little innocent children will die. But hey. At least you're working on that bad-ass image of yours. I'd certianly feel a lot safer knowing that a strange man walked into my house once a year packing heat and leaving packages for us.

And finally, the true meaning of Xmas according to Google images:

Mmmm. Gimme some o' that.

Oh and let's not forget the true meaning of Santa either:

This is the second image result for "Santa".


This was there too.

Happy Holidays

Firefox Flicks

See Firefox user testimonials! Most are really interesting or funny (check out the ninja in Japan). Occasionally, I just feel ashamed to be categorized with some of these people.

"Tabbed-browsing is the bomb. Ever!....It's just so fast that�ohhh..."

This Minnesotan dumb-fuck said the only reason he switched to firefox is the tabbed browsing. Good for you, Frank. Maybe you can learn the basics of English grammar so that people like me don't open a new tab to write a blog entry specifically to make fun of you as you cream your jeans over the sheer majesty of tabbed browsing. I can't wait for the release of IE7 so people like Frank can go back to sloshing through all the sewage the internet has to offer.

Diesel Fuel Only

Just a few things I need to mention.

• See left for a truly great movie I highly recommend to all Batman fans. It's the third movie I've seen explaining Batman's origins and
  it's probably the best. Or my favorite at the very least.
• I have a new body wash from Diesel (see bottom right). I've almost never been this excited about a shower.
• Pictures from Xmas Break thusly. I apologize in advance (or rather long after the fact) for uploading them on yahoo photos. I'd much rather post them here, but there are just far too many and my connection here is far too slow. I'm gonna do what I can to put them on fac ebook tomorrow. I just want you to know how much trouble I'm going through to do that for you. Love you all dearly. >_<
• New musical obsession: Goldfrapp (See bottom left for frightening images of the artist on two of her albums. Medusa maybe?)

And The Villain Is...

VENOM

Betcha can't guess who's playing Eddie Brock.

I am very scared. Venom's story is kinda long and to do it well it'll take 2 or 3 movies. Since they probably won't do that, I'm very anxious about the series as a whole. Especially since they still have to have The Lizard and the Green Goblin/Son of the Green Goblin/Hobgoblin or however they end up making Harry evil. They just better not try to cram all three villains in one movie. The end of Spider-Man 2 was a pretty clear indicator that Harry's going to go Green very soon although I suppose he has to start hating Peter first.

Well anyway, more info as it becomes available. PLEASE don't fuck this one up, Sam.

UPDATE: Newish poster of live action Venom himself.

Better Than Bill

Okay, first of all, this blog is one of my new favorites. Fuck Bill, this is my new favorite christian blog.

The Bible teaches that the Lord will salvage a finite number of souls at the end of time, and that these were chosen before all time by His infinite will. It is a shame to see so many who are on the path to damnation, but the end is drawing near, and those who have made their choice to side with the Devil now are going to have to stick with that choice.

That is the most reassuring thing I've ever heard. I sure hope I'm on god's VIP list!

I do not believe it is possible to blaspheme the Holy Spirit with sodomy and then repent -- I believe these sinners are on the path to hell.

Fuck.

Well it's a good read even if I am on the path to hell. Unfortunately, she knows too much and we'll have to get rid of her. She somehow stumbled upon The Homosexual Agenda cleverly hidden by the gay mafia in the farthest reaches of a christian evangelical website. For those of you unfamiliar with Our Agenda, it starts out a little something like this.

We shall sodomize your sons, emblems of your feeble masculinity, of your shallow dreams and vulgar lies. We shall seduce them in your schools, in your dormitories, in your gymnasiums, in your locker rooms, in your sports arenas, in your seminaries, in your youth groups, in your movie theatre bathrooms, in your army bunkhouses, in your truck stops, in your all male clubs, in your houses of Congress, however men are with men together. Your sons shall become our minions and do our bidding. They will be recast in our image. They will come to crave and adore us.

Typically We only allow members high in the Homosexual Heirarchy to see our manifesto, but now that it's been leaked I see no harm in sharing it with you. You should know what to expect in the coming years. We're planning a huge orgy for next years Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade at which not even Santa will be safe from sodomization.

Get ready ya'll. You've been warned.

X3 Trailer

I was kinda expecting this to look like shit since I'd heard about the plot before seeing the trailer but this actually looks like it might be pretty exciting. Anyway, watch the trailer and see what you think. It's got a new director, Brett Ratner, who did the two Rush Hour films so, again, I'm a little anxious about this one.

This hottie be Angel. I will go to the movie just to see more of him.


I wouldn't even mind if he did occasionally put on a costume, cause that's kinda cool too.

Dunno how they'll work him into the movie considering he was one of the first actual X-Men and like Beast, is an "out of the closet" mutant and he's clearly just being discovered in that first picture. Although I guess if we're going to get technical, at this point in the movie's already sketchy X-Men plot, he should probably be teaming up with Apocalypse as "Death" to destroy the world, and unless there's a major plot twist at the end of this one, it doesn't look like that's gonna happen.

On a lighter note, the actor's name is Ben Foster. I'd never heard the name before but it turns out I have seen him.
He was a sadistic killer and destroyer of things in Bruce Willis' hit film Hostage:

He's much more famous, apparently, for his role on Six Feet Under. Which I obviously have never seen.



This hottie (Kelsey Grammer, btw) be Beast. I will pay twice my ticket price for him to keep that suit on.

The alternative:

Not pretty.

Also, they show a few clips of a funeral at which a certain wheelchair-ridden Professor is notably absent. :O OH NOES!

Time goes by/ So slowly

GVigeo finally hosted my video of Jeff et al. dancing to "Hung Up." Notice the superb choreography.

Unity Rally Makes National Nooz

Or at least as "national newsy" as MTV.com's news reports can get. Anyway, still interesting. Hopefully we'll see more reports soon even if it is a little late.

Wafer Madness

Holy sweetness, Batman! I can't wait to get my hands on new Wasabi-Jesus!

Swoosh

I kinda feel obliged to post this. Totally SFW. Enjoy. :D

Google Earth + OS X

WOO! Google Earth OSX Beta's finally out! It's about fuckin' time, Google. Thanks! (Even though it's still not officially out yet.)

Party at Jeff's

I think they're all trying to steal Colin's sock but I'm not sure why.




Ben in an "I'm desperate for attention and/or 'unique' points" prom hat.


More sock rape.


If the whole "Slavic studies" things falls through, at least he's got a future career as a go-go boy.


I like how each person is in their own little world in this picture.






People pile!









I'm pretty sure this was when we started playing Kings. I ended up winning (or losing depending on what rules you play by) and had to drink a goblet [Cool Whip tub] full of cranberry sprite vodka.

Li'l miss popular Mary had more important people to talk to than the rest of us. :D




Jeff loves his egg nog.