Babysitters are generally horrible people who take on the job so they can take advantage of the sittee's luxuries like unlimited access to a refrigerator full of food they didn't pay for, an expensive laptop to watch movies, and waterbased paint to ruin some people's day. Such was my experience on Friday with the babysitter of Dragon Master's siblings. Toots, Francis, D-M, Whiney Jos�, and I were having a grand time in D-M's basement scaring the babysitters and sittees with Toot's facial mask, convulsions, and self-impalation with a katana. They of course tried to get back at us for scaring the everloving crap out of them so they bloodied D-M's sister with makeup and one of the babysitter's (we'll call her Specimen P-001) arm with paint. SP-001 came downstairs feigning excruciating arm pain. We just laughed at her and most likely would have done the same had there actually been a massive lesion on her arm. She gave up the pitiful act and went upstairs, but no! that was not enough. Her plan having failed, SP-001 "unintentionally" brushed the paint on my shirt when she walked by. She had better hope that that comes our or her parents are going to be scraping SP-001 off the walls for weeks. I really liked that shirt. BLARG!
Last night was a nice change of scenery for me. The usual crowd made the dangerous trek north to Romula's and Rema's house. Toots was his usual "autistic" self as one of our company accurately put it. I won't go into much detail, but he waved his feet in the air, poked Fleaboy with said feet, flared his tongue for a picture, made tropical bird noises, fought with The 1/8 Jew over whose CD was newer/better (1/8J's CD was SO much 73h r0x0rz), and complained (and profaned) bitterly each time the Trivial Pursiut die didn't agree with him. (The last one was perfectly justifiable; that die was just trying to piss us off.) After a good 40+ rolls, he finally got on the last space for the win and (naturally) the boys beat the girls in pop culture trivia. Toots handled all things "pop", Whiney Jose handled sports, Fleaboy and Lily the Good had Movies and TV in the bag, and Francis and I were in the category of "general knowledge" throwing in answers for the other categories. Half the fun of the game was watching Toot's extreme and often violent reactions to literally everything that happened. "TWO! MOTHER FUCKER!!!!" "OOPS I DID IT AGAIN! OOPS I DID IT AGAIN! OOPS I DID IT AGAIN!" "JOHN GOODMAN! WOO! WE GOT IT!" (The hints for that one were "is into yoga" and "Roxanne"). After that wrapped up (the DVD told me I'm money when we won) we watched a few scenes from Chicago and played "Island."
And that pretty much wraps up my Saturday night. Oh, before going to the twins house, I suppose I should mention that I showed up nearly an hour late for my cross country race (oops), ran rather pitifully, then came home at about 1 and slept til 4:30. I was going to do homework with that time, but oh well. Time for me to leave. Expect a new blog from Berny, Fleaboy, and The 1/8J within the next couple of weeks.
|473r.
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33 comments:
you have pretty nails....like marilyn manson's....or britney spears'....
hahahaha...agreed.
you have a great sense of humor....like Charles Manson's, or Frankenstein's
i definitely agree...hehehe
You have gorgeous hair...like Michael Jackson...or a vampire...
hahahaha....I agree.
agreed...
Your eyes are interesting...like dog barf, or cat puke.
hahahaha....i agree.
you have amazing ears...like dumbo...or yoda...
hahahaha....i agree.
you walk so quirkily....like a hobbit, or a moose
hahaha agreed...
you once had a girlfriend
then one day she dumped you
and everywhere you went people wanted to know where she waaaasss
you dont want to talk about her
someone always asks about her
so you tell them all
she is DEAD
agreed!....
i agree. wholeheartedly.
my dearest dear...who just left that message...thats really the pot calling the kettle black..am i right??? You are mean. i don't like you and i wish you would leave me alone :-( (to the person who left the MEAN message...
Ok, so it says 'Anonymous,' but I'm gonna wreck that and say it's... well actually, am I allowed to post my real name? I'll just say it's Shea, and if that isn't enough, I'm disappointed in you, and that I'm always the one coming to the concerts with the signs.... Anyhoo, I didn't write this, and don't know who did, but it's funny as all hell.
Behold the Shakespearean Hokey Pokey.
O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Pokey.
A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt.
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.
Ta da!
If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.
Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
PAT BUCHANAN
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.
RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON
I did NOT cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?
COLIN POWELL
Now at the left of the screen, you clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
GEORGE W. BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
HANZ BLIX
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed access to the other side of the road.
JACQUES CHIRAC
We will veto any resolution regarding non-compliance of the chicken whether is has or has not crossed the road!
MOHAMMED ALDOURI (Iraq ambassador)
The chicken did not cross the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have a chicken.
SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough leather for a year's supply of footballs.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.
Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.
Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to test Telex/Two communications)
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable.'
'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple.
"I am" is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie." (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts - Charlemagne; and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.
The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.
The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.
Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.
If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
No NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl.
The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.
Snails can sleep for 3 years without eating.
Actor Tommy Lee Jones and vice-president Al Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard.
The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a "Friday the 13th."
James Doohan, who plays Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott on Star Trek, is missing the entire middle finger of his right hand.
The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut
right in front of a pickup truck causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder.
This evidently pissed the driver off enough, that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off.
"Man, that guy is stupid" I thought to myself I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here's why.
I drive 38 miles each way every day to work, that's 76 miles. Of these,16 each way, is bumper-to-bumper, most of the bumper-to-bumper is on 8 lane highway. So if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That's 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper to bumper.
I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the
number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day.
Statistically half of these are driven by females, that's 18,000. In any given group of females 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That's 642.
According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that's 449, according to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that's 98, and 34% describe men as their biggest problem, that's 33.
According to the National Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.
That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that, has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period and is armed.
No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn't DREAM of flipping her off!
the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often
more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the
cartoon and comic strips:
* Lost: small apricot poodle. reward. Neutered. Like one of the
family.
* A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine foods expertly served by
waitresses in apetizing forms.
* Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
* For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.
* For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie
chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
* Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
* Now is the perfect time to get your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to take home, too!
* Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory
* Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
* We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by
hand.
* No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make
it really repellent
* For Sale. Three canaries of undetermined sex.
* For Sale - Eight puppies from a German Shepherd and an Alaskan Huskey.
* Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul,
fresh vegetables, salads, quiche.
* 7 ounces of choice sirloin, steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered
with golden fried onion rings.
* Great Dames for sale.
* Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
* Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
* 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawney Port, sold to pay for charges,
the opwner having been lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
* Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
* Vacation Special: Have your house exterminated.
* If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis
Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fountain
and Chopin.
* Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge.
Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
* The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds and
other athletic facilities.
* Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
* Toaster: A fift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.
* Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so servicable that lots
of women wear nothing else.
* Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
* We build bodies that last a lifetime.
* Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last.
* This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes
& Gardens.
* For Sale - Diamonds $20,00; microsopes $15.00.
* For Rent: 6 room hated apartment.
* Man, honest. Will take anything.
* Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200.00 a month.
References required.
* Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
* Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
* Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
* Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
* Modular Sofas. Only $299.00. For rest or fore play.
* Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
* Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
* 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
* Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and
snacks included.
* Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
* Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.
* See ladies blouses. 50% off!
* Holcross pulletts. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204
* Wanted. Preparer of food. Must be dependable like the food business,
and be willing to get hands dirty.
* Illiterate? Write today for free help.
* Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion.
Blue Cross and salary.
* Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to
growth of family.
* Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient beating
* Mother's helper - peasant working conditions.
* Semi-Annual after Christmas Sale.
* And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.
* We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home
for $1.00
And these beauties from the radio:
* Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a rediculous
figure.
* Be with us again next Saturday at 10:00 P. M. for "High Fidelity,"
designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction.
* When you are thirsty, try 7-Up, the refreshing drink in the green
bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after.
* Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs with
the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.
GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT
MAKES HOLE IN ONE
DEAF MUTE GETS NEW HEARING IN KILLING
DEFENDANT'S SPEECH ENDS IN LONG SENTENCE
ASBESTOS SUIT PRESSED
DOCTOR TESTIFIES IN HORSE SUIT
COMPLAINTS ABOUT NBA REFEREES
GROWING UGLY
POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIAGN TO RUNDOWN
JAYWALKERS
FLAMING TOILET SEAT CAUSES
EVACUATION AT HIGH SCHOOL
HOUSE PASSES GAS
TAX ONTO SENATE
POLICE DISCOVER CRACK IN AUSTRALIA
TUNA BITING OFF WASHINGTON COAST
STIFF OPPOSITION EXPECTED
TO CASKETLESS FUNERAL PLAN
MEN RECOMMEND MORE CLUBS FOR WIVES
MANY ANTIQUES SEEN AT D.A.R. MEETING
IKE SAYS NIXON CAN'T STAND PAT
TWO CONVICTS EVADE NOOSE;
JURY HUNG
U.S. AUDIT FINDS FUNDS FOR YOUTH MISSPENT
CHINESE APEMAN DATED
MAN HELD OVER GIANT L.A. BRUSH FIRE
TRAFFIC DEAD RISE SLOWLY
WILLIAM KELLY, 87, WAS FED SECRETARY
ALL-STARS TURN ON SPARSE CROWD
NATION'S HUNGRY ATTACK MEESE.
U'S FOOD SERVICE
FEEDS THOUSANDS,
GROSSES MILLIONS
COLLEGIANS ARE TURNING TO VEGATABLES
MILK DRINKERS ARE TURNING TO POWDER
HALF-MILLION ITALIAN WOMEN SEEN ON PILL
SAFETY EXPERTS SAY SCHOOL BUS PASSENGERS
SHOULD BE BELTED
SCIENTISTS TO HAVE FORD'S EAR
S. FLORIDA ILLEGAL ALIENS CUT IN HALF
BY NEW LAW
10 REVOLTING OFFICERS EXECUTED
QUARTER OF A MILLION CHINESE LIVE ON WATER
DRUNK GETS NINE MONTHS IN VIOLIN CASE
COUNTY OFFICIALS TO TALK RUBBISH
JUDGE ACTS TO REOPEN THEATER
MAN HELD IN MIAMI AFTER SHOOTING BEE
SURVIVOR OF SIAMESE TWINS JOINS PARENTS
CARTER PLANS SWELL DEFICIT
CARTER TICKS OFF BLACK HELP
CARRIBEAN ISLANDS DRIFT TO LEFT
THUGS EAT THEN ROB PROPRIETOR
ROBBER HOLDS UP ALBERT'S HOSIERY
NEW HOUSING FOR ELDERLY NOT YET DEAD
TOWN TO DROP SCHOOL BUS
WHEN OVERPASS IS READY
FARMER BILL DIES IN HOUSE
KISSINGER ALLEGEDLY FORGES MIDEAST PACT
GENETIC ENGINEERING SPLITS SCIENTISTS
IRAQUI HEAD SEEKS ARMS
SALESMAN SAYS HE LEFT
4 LARGE RINGS IN MALDEN BATHTUB
HERSHEY BARS PROTEST
MEAT HEAD FIGHTS HIKE IN MINIMUM PAY
NEW AUTOS TO HIT 5 MILLION
When a newspaper goes out wearing the wrong banner, its messages can become
unwittingly suggestive:
QUEEN MARY HAVING BOTTOM SCRAPED
IS THERE A RING OF DEBRIS AROUND URANUS?
HENSHAW OFFERS RARE OPPORTUNITY
TO GOOSE HUNTERS
CONNIE TIED, NUDE
POLICEMAN TESTIFIES
WOMEN'S MOVEMENT CALLED
MORE BROAD-BASED
ANTIQUE STRIPPER TO DISPLAY WARES AT STORE
STUD TIRES OUT
PROSTITUTE APPEAL TO POPE
CITY MAY IMPOSE MANDATORY TIME
FOR PROSTITUTION
SPLIT REARS IN FARMERS' MOVEMEMT
MRS. RYDELL'S BUST UNVEILED
AT NEARBY SCHOOL
JAIL GUARD PROBE IN PRISON SEX
GROVER MAN DRAWS PRISON TERM,
FINE FOR SEX ACTS
PANDA MATING FAILS
VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
KIDS' PAJAMAS TO BE REMOVED BY WOOLWORTH
NUNS DROP SUIT; BISHOPS AGREE TO AID THEM
PLANNED PARENTHOOD LOOKING
FOR VOLUNTEERS
N. J. JUDGE TO RULE ON NUDE BEACH.
CHILD'S STOOL GREAT FOR USE IN GARDEN
IDAHO GROUP ORGANIZES TO HELP
SERVICE WIDOWS
COLUMNIST GET UROLOGIST IN TROUBLE
WITH HIS PEERS
DR RUTH TO TALK ABOUT SEX
WITH NEWSPAPER EDITORS
PASTOR AGHAST AFTER FIRST LADY SEX POSITION
MRS. CORSON'S SEAT UP FOR GRABS
SOVIET VIRGIN LANDS SHORT OF GOAL AGAIN
LOCAL MAN HAS LONGEST HORNS IN TEXAS
CAUSE OF AIDS FOUND -- SCIENTISTS
STERILIZATIONS SOLVES PROBLEMS
FOR PETS, OWNERS
ORGAN FESTIVAL ENDS IN SMASHING CLIMAX
Sometimes the galley gaffe issues from a confusion in grammar:
BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLAND ISLANDS
LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN MUSHROOMS
CITY PACT FIGHT BOILS
EYE DROPS OFF SHELF
TEACHER STRIKES IDLE KIDS
REAGAN WINS ON BUDGET,
BUT MORE LIES AHEAD
SWAZI KING, 2 SONS POISON SUSPECTS
DEALERS WILL HEAR CAR TALK FRIDAY NOON
SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM
MONDALE'S OFFENSIVE LOOKS HARD TO BEAT
AMERICAN SHIPS HEAD TO LIBYA
LAWYERS GIVE POOR FREE LEGAL ADVISE
LIFE MEANS CARING FOR HOSPITAL DIRECTOR
HORNETS WILL ACCENT THROWING GAME IN '81
SHOT OFF WOMAN'S LEG HELPS NICKLAUS TO 66
MAN EATING PIRANHA MISTAKENLY SOLD
AS PET FISH
ENRAGED COW INJURES FARMER WITH AX
ADMITS SHOOTING HUSBAND FROM STAND
DURING TRIAL
LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS
PLANE TOO CLOSE TO GROUND,
CRASH PROBE TOLD
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANNT
FUND SET UP FOR BEATING VICTIM'S KIN
STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE
FINE YOUNG MAN CONVICTED OF MISDEMEANOR
HITLER, NAZI PAPERS FOUND IN ATTIC
SILENT TEAMSTER BOSS GETS UNUSUAL
PUNISHMENT, LAWYER
TWO SOVIET SHIPS COLLIDE, ONE DIES
2 SISTERS REUNITED AFTER 10 YEARS
IN CHECKOUT COUNTER
KILLER SENTENCED TO DIE FOR SECOND TIME
IN 10 YEARS
COMMUTER TAX ON NEW YORKERS
KILLED IN NEW JERSEY
Occasionelly, a deformed headlinne takes on a meaning that is exactly the
opposite of the one intended:
NEVER WITHHOLD HERPES INFECTION
FROM LOVED ONE
CANCER SOCIETY HONORS MARLBORO MANN
NICARAGUA SETS GOAL TO WIPE OUT LITERACY
DRUNKEN DRIVERS PAID $1, 000 IN '84
AUTOS KILLING 110 A DAY
LET'S RESOLVE TO DO BETTER
20-YEAR FRIENDSHIP ENDS AT ALTAR
And sometimes the headline illuminates the painfully obvious:
WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE
IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY,
IT MAY LAST A WHILE
SMOKERS ARE PRODUCTIVE, BUT DEATH
CUTS EFFICIENCY
COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
HALF OF U.S. HIGH SCHOOLS
REQUIRE SOME STUDY
FOR GRADUATION
CHILD'S DEATH RUINS COUPLE'S HOLIDAY
BLIND WOMAN GETS NEW KIDNEY
FROM DAD SHE HASN'T SEEN IN YEARS
SCENT FOUL PLAY
IN DEATH OF MAN
FOUND BOUND AND HANGED
MAN IS FATALLY SLAIN
ENDFIELD COUPLE SLAIN:
POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE
SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH,
EXPERT SAYS
DEATH CAUSES LONELINESS,
FEELINGS OF ISOLATION
Just read this...it's not that hard to get through. and it's kind of...quirky.
The Phaonmneal Pweor of the Hmuan Mnid
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
> Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the
> ltteers in a wrod are, the
> olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat
> ltteer be in the rghit
> pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can
> sitll raed it wouthit a
> porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not
> raed ervey lteter by
> istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
And I awlyas thought
> slpeling was ipmorantt!
If you find yourself near an explosion, stand where you are and try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile . After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.
Timothy Leary (October 22, 1920 - May 31, 1996) was an American writer, psychologist, and drug campaigner. He is most famous as a proponent of the therapeutic and spiritual benefits of LSD. During the 1960s, he coined and popularized the catch phrase "Turn on, tune in, drop out."
Dr. Leary was born in Springfield, Massachusetts to a leading New England family. Leary studied for a brief time at the College of the Holy Cross in Worcester, Massachusetts, but reacted badly to the strict training at the Jesuit institution. He also attended West Point for a time but dropped out after 18 months. He earned a bachelor's degree in psychology at the University of Alabama in 1943. He eventually got a Ph.D. in psychology at the University of California, Berkeley in 1950. He went on to become an assistant professor at Berkeley (1950-1955), a director of research at the Kaiser Foundation (1955-1958), and a lecturer in psychology at Harvard University (1959-1963). Leary later described these years disparagingly, writing that he had been "an anonymous institutional employee who drove to work each morning in a long line of commuter cars and drove home each night and drank martinis .... like several million, middle-class, liberal, intellectual robots."
While on vacation in Mexico, he tried hallucinogenic psilocybin-bearing mushrooms while participating in a Native American religious ritual, an experience that would vastly alter the course of his life. Upon his return to Harvard in 1960, Leary and his associates, notably Dr. Richard Alpert, began conducting research into the effects of psilocybin and later LSD with graduate students.
Howl by Allen Ginsburg
note: this is an abbreviated version of Howl
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night ...
yacketayakking screaming vomiting whispering facts and memories and anecdotes and eyeball kicks and shocks of hospitals and jails and wars,
whole intellects disgorged in total recall for seven days and nights with brilliant eyes, meat for the Synagogue cast on the pavement,
who vanished into Nowhere Zen New Jersey leaving a trail of ambigious picture postcards of Atlantic City Hall ...
who distributed Supercommunist pamphlets in Union Square weeping and undressing while the sirens of Los Alomos wailed them down, and wailed down Wall, and the Staten Island Ferry also wailed,
who broke down crying in white gymnasiums naked and trembling before the machinery of other skeletons,
who bit detectives in the neck and shrieked with delight in policecars for committing no crime but their own wild cooking pederasty and intoxication ...
who cut their wrists three times successively unsuccessfully, gave up and were forced to open antique stores where they thought they were growing old and cried,
who were burned alive in their innocent flannel suits on Madison Avenue amid blasts of leaden verse and the tanked-up clatter of the iron regiments of fasion and the nitroglycerine shrieks of the fairies of advertising and the mustard gas of sinister intelligent editors, or were run down by the drunken taxicabs of Absolute Reality,
who jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge this actually happened and walked away unknown and forgotten into the ghostly daze of Chinatown soup alleyways and firetrucks, not even one free beer ...
who threw potato salad at CCNY lecturers on Dadaism and subsequently presented themselves on the granite steps of the madhouse with shaven heads and harlequin speech of suicide, demanding instantaneous lobotomy,
and who were given instead the concrete void of insulin Metrazol electricity hydrotheraphy psychotherapy occupational therapy pingpong and amnesia ...
ah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and now you're really in the total animal soup of time --
Moloch! Moloch! Robot apartments! invisible suburbs! skeleton treasuries! blind capitals! demonic industries! spectral nations! invincible madhouses! granite cocks! monstrous bombs!
Carl Solomon! I'm with you in Rockland
Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy! Holy!
The world is holy! The soul is holy! The skin is holy! The nose is holy! The tongue and cock and hand and asshole holy!
Everything is holy! everybody's holy! everywhere is holy! everyday is eternity! Everyman's an angel!
Okay there are some serious privilege revocations currently under consideration by the Federal Board of Berny's Whim. I'd hate to have to turn comments off, but if you two keep spamming my blog, I'm going to have to do just that.
And a few more things:
1) I just happen to LIKE that shirt AND its color
2) When was the last time you SAW my nails? It just so happens I had those surgically removed 3 months ago.
3) Yeah I hate my hair too. lol
4) The saddest part of all these comments is that you spent FOUR FAWKIN DAYS on them. The HOURS wasted....most pitiable.
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