Human Upgrades

I want my very own clit.

Some of those images are actually really disturbing. The hi tech ones freak me out.

Getting Personal

Magical Squirrel Trix

Nutritional Information

For Those With Facebook

I created my first facebook group today. It's the BC chapter of a group started at ASU. Thanks to Byrne for the head's up. For those with access to facebook, check it out. Those in BC, please join! Heil Crombie!

Click below for group pictures!

Parodies to Cheer You Up

It's the most depressing day of the year.

Cheer the fuck up.

Three of Hearts

Okay guys. Let's make a movie. A documentary! Something catchy and controversial. Um, gay people are kinda controversial. We can't just have it about gay people though. No one will watch it. Let's through a straight lady in with those fags! Yeah! And, um, they're married! We'll call it a "postmodern" relationship so people will think it's okay! (You see? The republicans were right after all. Gay marriage will lead to polygamy will lead to crazy goat sex will lead to the apocalypse, etc.) And just so we can go for the celebrity poker crowd we'll call it Three of Hearts.

If they weren't all fugly I might want to see this movie. It does look interesting.

Vista: On the Horizon

Brille notig?

Commercial. (SFW)

God I love Europe.

Macboy

This site has some funny cartoons and parodies. I recommend NY MUG. Depressing but nonetheless hilarious.

Turtle Soup

Har!

Bin Laden Speaks Out

Bin Laden is apparently appealing to Bush's political enemies within the States. That sounds like a really unusual strategy. He seems very well read on American political matters for someone who's supposed to be hiding in caves somewhere. I guess he's a NY Times subscriber.

Finally, I say that war will go either in our favor or yours. If it is the former, it means your loss and your shame forever, and it is headed in this course. If it is the latter, read history! We are people who do not stand for injustice and we will seek revenge all our lives. The nights and days will not pass without us taking vengeance like on Sept. 11, God permitting. Your minds will be troubled and your lives embittered. As for us, we have nothing to lose. A swimmer in the ocean does not fear the rain. You have occupied our lands, offended our honor and dignity and let out our blood and stolen our money and destroyed our houses and played with our security and we will give you the same treatment.

Easily my favorite part. "If we lose, we'll come back for 9/11 2.0. If we win, you lose, shame on your house and your children. Neener neener neeener." At this point he's just taunting Bush. He's still around (Dang it! I thougth we got him back when we were in Dirkastan!) and he threatened shame upon Bush and America by driving American troops out of Iraq (Didn't I already tell him not to mess with Texas? He's trying to mess with Texas!)

And, thank god, Bush won't let him mess with Texas ever again. (Little known fact: "Tex" is Bush's nick name for himself. It's true. Ask google.)

I also really loved that the AP felt the need to Americanize what I can only assume was "Allah" to "God" so that we (silly Americans) don't get confused. Isn't it enough that Bin Laden's egging the White House while Laura's trying to sleep? Do we really need the Associated Press to be so condescending (watering Bin Laden's press release down because we're fucking dumb asses)?

Anyway, keep em comin' Bin Laden. We haven't heard from ya in a while and you promised to write once a month. Be sure and include a return address so we can write back.

Pulled Over

This one's pretty big. It'd take up a lot of space on my mainpage so click below.

Naval Conversation

This is pretty funny. Thought you might like it too.

And You Thought People Hated Bush

While perusing polling report on Bush's job rating, I found that they do the same for Congress. I hadn't even considered Congress's popularity polls. They don't report those nearly as often on the news. They're taken just as frequently. That's really a sad statistic. Bush's been midline for a long time now, but Congress is just getting worse. Currently 27% approval. Ouch.

Macworld Shits and Giggles

I just watched Steve Jobs' Keynote presentation at Macworld 2006. I'm sure you've all heard about the new releases and whatnot. If you haven't then you probably don't care. There are a few things I haven't seen in any of the press released though that I found quite amusing. First, while making a faux podcast, he included a rumor about an 8 lb ipod. It came with this picture. Pretty neat.

The other interesting little quip of Steve's (I can't take that name seriously.) was in reference to the G5 processor. He was talking about how Apple couldn't squeeze a G5 into a Powerbook and have a battery life longer than 15 seconds. They consulted, he said, every leading authority they could think of. Including, evidently, the best trained Sith warriors:

Honesly, my jaw dropped when I saw that. He's potentially cutting off all his (orthodox) Catholic mac owners. He must feel pretty comfortable with sales if he can do that. Hopefully the Catholic League wasn't watching.

Also, and I'm terribly sorry I have to mark this one as hearsay because I don't have an article to support this, I was talking with my friend Dan who told me that Fred Phelps just found out that Adobe, who makes the software necessary to create PDFs, gives a lot of money to gay-friendly organizations and charities. I'm hoping this means we won't be getting any more of his faux press releases. Cross your fingers.

Latest From Mo

However I do believe in abstinence. It was once lawful for Christians to marry -- but no longer. Unfortunately, because of the decisions of activist judges in Massachusetts, authentic marriage no longer exists in this country. Any legal institution that allows homosexuals equal access with Christians is anathema to the Lord. Therefore, from our understanding of the Word, the Lord wills that no fornication take place, even within the confines of what we Americans now call "marriage." It is still lawful for Christians to engage in Christian coitus (for reproduction only) in nations that hold fast to Christian law and Christian marriage -- nations such as Chile and Africa. But for those Christians living in sinful, effeminate nations like the USA -- absolute chastity is the only path to avoid fornication. And fornication, as my father has discovered from his study of the Bible, is equivalent to blasphemy against the Holy Spirit -- which brings certain and unpardonable damnation. I hope that answers your questions.

Oh, NOW I get it. For a few years now I could not understand what you religious right wing straight people were complaining about. Ruining the "sanctity of marriage" and all that. It really confused me. I get it now! You're pissed because you can't have sex any more! So sorry.

Get over it.

la Norv�ge sur le feu

Study finds only 20% of Europe knows it's own geography/cartography. 80% don't believe in Turkey and see the rest of Europe in jagged geometrical patterns easily replicated in M$ Paint:

A new Xiti Study shows that Firefox has now more than 20% marketshare in Europe and more than 15% in the U.S. Check it out!

Golden Girls

Okay. So. The Golden Globes. Brokeback pwned with 4, Hugh Laurie (who I just found out was the dad in Stuart Littles 1, 2 and (because you can never have too much of a bad thing) 3) got one for best actor on House, MD, and the world of fasion wept for hours.

That's Heidi Klum. For those of you who don't know she's a very gorgeous model, and the very pregnant host of Bravo's Project Runway (America's Next Top Model + creativity + catty designer drama). See she's a model, and one would assume that, since she has her own show that's dedicated to finding the best fashion designers out there, she'd have a decent eye for what looks like trashy shit. Apparently not.








Further Tragedies:

I don't mean to insinuate that we could expect anything other than tragedy from Pam, but her dress was amusing enough that I felt it had to be posted.

The Beauty of Bony

This is just freaky. We talked about anorexia websites in psychology. I stumbled across this one today.

IF YOU ARE NOT PRO-ED, *DO NOT* JOIN THIS COMMUNITY. DO NOT VIEW THIS COMMUNITY. DO NOT COMMENT ON THIS COMMUNITY.

RULES

1. DON'T LOOK AT THIS COMMUNITY IF YOU DO NOT APPRECIATE WHAT WE ARE ABOUT.

2. APPLICANTS must apply using the form at the bottom of the page. FILL OUT THE ENTIRE FORM and post it BEHIND an LJ-cut.

3. All entries involving food or food-related things must be behind an LJ-cut that SAYS the post involves food.

4. Posts with pictures of yourself must be behind LJ-cuts.

5. Thinspiration is welcome, but please put posts with more than 1 thinspiration picture behind LJ-cuts.

6. MEMBERS are required to post progress stats and pics at the first week of each month. The goal of each person here is to reach their goal weight and continue at that weight with regular, daily maintenance. Within the first week, you must post this form and at least ONE progress photo.

Oops. I looked anyway. Dumb-whores. I honestly have no pity for them. If they want to starve themselves to death that's their problem. Granted the situation would probably be very different if it were a friend of mine with that problem, but I try to avoid people that shallow. What really pissed me off was their poster girl, Lindsay Lohan.




Call me a fag, but the after picture is a fugly-ass blonde wraith. Honestly, I'd consider fucking Lindsay "before" she joined Anorexia Anonymous and stopped drinking and eating. 4 months sober! And only 4 lbs left!

Brokeback Boys

Take Two and Never Call Me Again

Oregon Trailer Park

Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm currently on my way back to Boston. Stopped in Chicago (actually Cary, IL) for a few days to visit some relatives. I'll be back soonish.

A Healthy Dose of Propoganda

More from MacWorld:

• Holday quarter 2005 best quarter on record for Apple (who turns 30 this year) with $5.7 billion total revenue.
• 14 million iPods sold during holiday quarter 2005 (far beyond 4.5 million sold during same quarter 2004). Over 100 iPods sold per minute during entire quarter.
• 42 million iPods sold since launch in 2001. 32 million in 2005 alone.
• 850 million songs sold through iTMS
• iTMS has 83% market share

Not really surprising data, but certainly impressive. I wonder if iPod sales will ever peak.

Found Footage Festival

It's amazing what they find in dumpsters, archives and clutched in murder victims hands. My favorite is the one where the family of hicks finds a motorcycle and a camera.

Nothing more. I promise.

Numbus 2000?

�The Nimbus 2000 features a grooved stick and handle for easy riding. Enhancing the excitement are the vibrating effects and magical swooping and whooshing sounds the broom makes when on. Sounds can also be activated when the switch is set in standby mode. Requires three AA batteries (included),� reviewer Larry White adds.

This beats the tarzan doll that flashed people when he pounded his chest as kinkiest kiddy toy of all time. Unfortunately, batteries reqruired.

There isn't more.

Garfield Hits the Slots

This. Is. Amazing.

There isn't more.

MacBook Pro

Well this fucker's allegedly the fastest laptop ever made. Which is really neat. I like pretty much everything about it but the name.

This is the first Mac notebook built upon the revolutionary new Intel Core Duo - which is actually two processors (up to 1.83GHz) engineered onto a single chip. It provides 2MB of Smart Cache, L2 cache that can be shared between both cores as needed. It delivers higher performance in 2D and 3D graphics, video editing, and music encoding. And the new engine is only part of the story. MacBook Pro has a frontside bus and memory that, at 667MHz, runs faster than any previous Mac notebook. It's the first Mac notebook with PCI Express, a Serial ATA hard drive and the ATI Mobility Radeon X1600 for superfast graphics performance.

Front Row. Embedded iSight. I'm super-jealous. And it's SO fast. That thing would give my home compy a run for its money.

Honestly though, right now I'd just settle for my own laptop. Dumb parents.

Door Ajar

Really wish I knew what was going on here. I found it's name to be particularly humorous. Put your mouse over it for the title. I swear to god I didn't call it that. I found it like that. Just like that poor bastard with the jeep.

The Life and Time of Cy

This little guy was born with no nose and only one eye. Tragically he died within a day. Too bad. He would have made a great spokes-cat for Friskies.

"You don't need 2 eyes to see which gourmet cat food your cat likes best."

Hotties

Couldn't agree with # 1 more.
Luigi's kinda odd, but TOAD? He's a fucking FUNGUS.
Who the hell put this together?

Planet of the South

From the article:

Under a "similar items" section, the DVD set's page linked shoppers to four films about the lives of King, actress Dorothy Dandridge, boxer Jack Johnson and singer Tina Turner. Wal-Mart later altered the page to link with television show DVDs.

That's definitely not a coincidence. I didn't know they made racist programmers. But, then again, everybody's a little bit racist.

Barbie's Jihad

Please remove all plastic items.

Utilitarian Gundam-sperimentation With Elmo

But why Elmo you ask?

muppet buttsecks

Z Machine

From the article:

The US military is considering testing the principle behind a type of space drive which holds the promise of reaching Mars in just three hours. The problem is, as New Scientist explains, it's entirely theoretical and many physicists admit they don't understand the science behind it.

The Machine:


The Comment:
*drools*

Oscar the Grouch

So I'm really excited for this year's Oscars. Lots of good movies. Lots of drama/competition. It should be a good time. Okay honestly I couldn't care less what movie gets what award. Oscars are meaningless. I'll be tuning in anyway, though, cause Jon Stewart is hosting. Party.

BUY MY DVDs!

Fuck the DVD wars. This makes me want to stop buying DVDs altogether. I honestly don't care which format they decide on. Assuming they all agree on it that is. I don't get all the geek-media hype this is getting.

Listen Safely

Music's great. Listen to it when you're old.

The Anti-Christ Cometh

He cometh all over Iraq, apparently. I gotta admit I'm kinda pissed off. I was hoping to become Peter the Roman at some point. Meh. Oh well. This could be the end of the Church. Or the world. I have my fingers crossed for at least one of those. That'd be kinda neat.

...the pontiff wishes he was younger and in better health to confront the possibility that Bush may represent the person prophesized in Revelations.

Actually considering that the middle east is being ripped to shreds right now, the prophecies in Revelations may be coming true as we speak. That's really all that has to be destroyed if I remember correctly. And I definitely don't.

Well, They Stick Up For Each Other For One

Maureen's most recent post has a link to an article entitled What Homosexuals Do. I don't want to get too far into the content of the pseudo-study right now. Maureen has been kind enough to provide a forum for that disucussion. While perusing Ron Gleason's analysis of the homosexual "death-style" (creative, eh?) I noticed an error I found to be most disrespectful, especially considering the content.

Hopefully that isn't blurry enough that you can't read it. Click if you can't. Anyway, he totally butchered Matthew Shepard's name. I emailed Ronny G this evening after reading that. He emailed me back. Our correspondence:

I was reading your article "What Homosexuals Do" and noticed an error. The young man killed in Wyoming was named Matthew Shepard, not Michael Sheperd. I just thought I'd bring the error to your attention.

	Ron Gleason	to me

Thank you very much. Of course, you are correct. I'll make the correction. God bless, Ron

Jesusland

There will be a place in the Galilee where evangelical Christians from all over the world can come to celebrate the actual place where Jesus Christ lived and taught...

...all for the low, low price of a privately chartered jet to the holy land and a week long admission ticket to Jesus' latest investment, a theme park.

"Mommy can I ride Galgatha Express again?"

"No darling. The line's too long. Let's go on Lazarus' Haunted Bayou! It's supposed to be inspirational!"

"Fine but I want to stop by the gift shop for the new Passion of the Christ Pull-string Doll."

ParaLOLagraph

Well if Boing Boing's going Goatse, I figured I might as well too.


Don't even know how to react to this one. I kinda feel tempted to go back to Maureen's blog to read "What Homosexuals Do" just because that's the only thing that might explain this. Balls? In my mouth? Yuck!


This was posted on WTF Inc. Apparently "bugger" is UK slang for sodomy. It's either that or booger. I don't think I'll take my chances. Anonymous fries are the worst.

Cutting Chases, Calories and Lines of Blow

Dear God. You will NEVER guess what I just heard. Guess who admitted to being bulemic. And doing drugs. Lindsay Lohahn! OH NOES! What caused her to spiral like that...?



Fez broke her heart.

XXXplicit Content

Picture of the Day:


Second Place:

Ring Ring Ring

Shameless LJ cross-post:

Your 2005 Song Is

Hung Up by Madonna "Every little thing that you say or do I'm hung up I'm hung up on you" You'll be rockin' in the New Year in your croch-o-tard!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

Kill Your Parents